Inside my head

The conversation is blurring all around me. Voices rise and fall like waves. My hands are clutching for something to hold, something to give me an anchor here. A word makes it through the haze and I gratefully latch onto it. Pillow. I like pillows. There was a time when I would sleep surrounded by pillows. Right now I have only one pillow and sometimes I get a crick in my neck. My brother once jumped on my neck and I had to go to hospital. I hate hospitals, I hate the smell and the narrow corridors. I always feel like they are closing in on me, ever so slowly. Time is moving slowly today, I can never estimate the time it takes to complete tasks. I always think things take a lot less time than they actually do, or vice versa. Vice Versa, that was a movie I liked when I was little. Looking at someone fidgeting with a cork from a wine bottle. Back and forth, back and forth. A shape moves at the corner of my eye and I notice it's my cat Gizmoo, waiting patiently by the living room window, hoping someone will let him in. Daft cat. He doesn't realise he can just walk around to the back of the house and walk in the back door which is open. Ah well. I rise from the table to let him in, I notice my laptop on the way to the window. Oh wait! That new show aired yesterday, that means I can download it today! I sit down on the sofa to search for it and add it to my download list. Hmm now it's a little chilly in here, I head to the back door and close it shut. It's really cold! I should wear a sweater more often and why am I bare footed? Socks and Sweater. I head upstairs, running my tongue over my teeth. Hmm they feel a bit gross, I'll just stop in the bathroom and floss them a little bit. Ah. Much better! I head back downstairs and rejoin my friends at our table. What are they talking about? I have no clue, I sit there and it washes over me. Hmm. Washes. I wish we had a bathtub. I don't particularly love baths but now that I have no bathtub, I could really use a bath. Typical. It's very nice when it's cold in the winter and you want to get warm. Hmm, I'm still really cold! Oh crap, of course i'm cold, I still didn't grab a sweater or my socks. Right! I leave the table and stride purposefully upstairs, I grab a pair of socks from the wardrobe and pull a sweater over my head. I hear a beep that tells me someone is messaging me on facebook so I walk into the study, socks in hand, and see what the message is. It's my mum messaging me about the front garden and how is it going. I set the socks down before the keyboard and reply to her. Then I realise I'm being rude to our friends downstairs so I quickly end the conversation and go back downstairs. I sit down. Then notice Gizmoo is still waiting patiently by the window so I'm up again and I let him in. Sitting down again. Hmm. The voices continue to rise and fall until they stop and there is silence. I look around. Everyone is looking at me expectantly. Ehmm, sorry what were you talking about? I sense an irritation. They're trying to talk to me but I'm not really there. There is too much going on inside my head to make sense of all the voices and what do they want? I take a breath and find a line of conversation that I can follow and I hold onto it for dear life. It's a struggle and I can't hold on forever. I'm going to have to let go, i don't have the strength for this. And my socks are still upstairs and my feet are very cold.