A bit of backstory on growing up with ADD.

I used to spend my french classes furiously scribbling in the back of my books entire scripts of whatever Buffy episode I was currently hooked on. I ran riot through the halls, and when teachers gave me into trouble (which happened at least a couple of times a day), I had no clue how to behave so I settled for looking at them unblinking in the eye...that just led them to thinking I was insolent as well as a trouble-maker. I daydreamed my classes away. Maths, sciences, french, geography and history held little to grab my attention and I would spend the hours gazing out of the window or doodling or fidgeting.

I grew to like P.E because I realised I was not so bad at it and it allowed me some escape from the monotony of my other classes. I had (and still have) a very low tolerance for boredom. I enjoyed English although when I was in primary seven whilst I was taking my English exam to determine which class I would be put in in secondary school, I failed to notice that I had to turn over the paper...as a result I got 61% which meant I was put in the lower class where I was soon bored. I was not allowed to retake that paper. I also enjoyed music (although I was terrible at most things except singing) and drama. I loved being someone else for a short while.

At home I ran riot as well. I was always outside (before my mopey teenage years) climbing trees and getting dirty and getting into fights with the boys in my neighbourhood. It was always the boys against me, my best friend Vicki and my brother Richard. I got into trouble a lot growing up for not doing this or forgetting to do that. I grew up believing I was lazy and not too bright. I couldn't understand how people could sit down and spend even an hour doing homework. I would try but something would catch my eye or a thought would interrupt and I'd go off on another tangent.

One place where I could really focus and be myself and relax, was with reading. I would devour books. Nowadays I read less because I have agreed to read no English books during the week but if I didn't have that stipulation, I would still be the same when it comes to books.

I was thirteen when my first school very politely kicked me out and asked me to never come back. They had had it with me who was quiet, but got into trouble every day, got into fights with other girls, hardly remembered to do homework, daydreamed her time away but when she put effort in, could get high grades.

I think they were at a loss. And the head-teacher at the time called my mum who was working and too upset to leave her car to come get me, asked her colleague to do that for her. And then next term, it was off to the local public school.

I had always difficulty hearing people (so much so that mum began to think i was hearing impaired) that I went to a specialist to see what could be done. He told my mum that there was nothing wrong with my hearing but perhaps it is a psychological problem.

I did things impulsively without giving it much thought. I decided it would be a fine idea at the age of 12 or 13 to give myself a fringe...that ended with me cutting around the entire front of my head and my mum freaking out and dragging me to the hairdresser where the stylist did the best she could but I still came out looking like a boy.

The years from 13 to 18 were the most difficult I think. I was still coming to terms with my mum being gay (who came out when I was 10), realising that I was gay, struggling with bullies who knew my mum is gay (I can still hear the shrieks of 'Yer ma's a dyke!', and a depression that turned me into someone who hardly left her room. I became even quieter at my new school and hardly spoke to people and tried to keep my head down. I still had difficulty focusing and concentrating but it went under the radar I think because the classrooms were a lot bigger and because I was so quiet, and most of the quiet kids were the concentrating academic types.

Things got better in my last two years, I made some nice friends, enjoyed my English and Drama classes a lot and saw more friends outside school. I was very focused on people though. Usually one a time. I would be totally focused on one friend and be jealous if they had other close friends. I'm not sure if that's a gay thing, an ADD thing or just a Kat thing. Luckily I don't get so hyperfocused on people anymore!

After school finished, I started a course in HNC social sciences which was psychology, sociology, history, modern studies and close reading. I enjoyed it a lot at first but as always my concentration slipped and I stopped going. When I was 19, we moved to England. I went to university in Portsmouth but I didn't like it much. I was doing English and creative writing but I didn't finish my degree, and indeed had to repeat the first year. I liked some things about it like the sci-fi society and the people I lived with in my second year there. But I wouldn't do it again and I don't want to go back.

After university didn't work out, I moved back to be with my mum and Cathy where I almost burned their house down by forgetting i was cooking something on the stove and reading in the living room. The fire brigade had to come out, it was a big mess. As i've mentioned before I got a job in a bookshop which I loved. I got bored at times but mostly I loved organising the books and talking about the books and I was in my element! Then I met Myrna and very impulsively decided to move out to the Netherlands to live with her! Did i have any idea about how to speak Dutch? No. Did I have a job waiting for me? No. Did I know how much you needed to know Dutch to get a job in Groningen? No! But I went. And it was a struggle for the first year until I got my first job and now I have twice as much hours as the first year and things are better. It was really living with Myrna and her picking up behavioural things from me that led us both to thinking that something was up.

Now i've been taking methylfenidaat for almost 2 weeks and I think it is helping although there was a bit of a slacking off in the last few days of last week. I feel calmer, and I can order my thoughts a bit better. I notice things more and I'm noticing more when things need to be cleaned. I've also started my new job at the university cleaning, and I'm enjoying it! Nice people. Tonight we're BBQing and I'm looking forward to that.